This weekend was listing to the TED Radio Hour when host Manoush Zomorodi and her guest Esther Perel talked about the ever-evolving business of relationships, and how personal capital and the “Unwritten resume” has become more and more valuable in any decision-making process, personal or professional.
What did she mean?
“The unwritten resume” is not what you can post on LinkedIn or share on social channels. It is who you are as a person, how you treat people, now matter what position you are in, your ability to read the room and help make empathetic, and many times unemotional decisions, and most importantly who people think you are as defined by your actions and words away from a job or a relationship.
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I thought about this after listening and realized in so many cases when people call for a reference, one of the things that comes up almost first all the time is, “he or she or they are a good person,” or sadly “he or she is tough to work with or live with.” What others SAY about you, and how they value you in a relationship chain, is just as, if not more, important today than it has ever been.
We often mention when talking with young people about “having the hammer,” and how when we have that hammer, how we use it. Often times people in positions of influence think that they are popular or in demand because of their position on an issue vs. WHERE they are in their personal or professional career. Heady jobs or positions of influence can lead people to lose perspective, and often times they can wield that hammer recklessly. They think that it is because of THEM that they are popular or in demand, when in reality it is often their current position that people are looking to amplify. I have had numerous conversations with people who were in very highly influential positions who, when they leave a position, can’t understand why many who were always calling or texting them for input suddenly were not returning calls or favors. They let the position define them, vs. they define the position by who they are.
That investment in human capital relationships that go well beyond the normal course of a job, are the things we take with us when we go from place to place. People know you for who you are, how you treated them, how you responded and what you did much more than your position, if you wear your “unwritten resume” well.
In short, if you are a jerk, and treat people without compassion or empathy, or you aren’t a good listener, it will come back to get you tenfold when you are slightly down the ladder and looking up, and those willing to throw you a lifeline will be less in number when you need them.
Now that’s not to say that there are people who don’t “Fail up.” No matter what they do, how they treat people, they are able to keep things moving. There is room in a very competitive environment to look the other way sometimes, because the juice is worth the squeeze. But not often.
Especially in a world today where social responsibility and interaction tied to bigger causes is so prevalent, the “unwritten resume” is even more valuable than ever before. If you have any form of a social media presence, people can always be watching from afar, and they are compiling their lists of who they would like to associate with. It may not be today, it may not be in a week, it may be in a year…heck I just had someone reach out who I worked with 13 YEARS ago, but he said he always followed what I was doing and had worked with many people I had come across over the years…but it out there.
Was there a time when companies, teams, leagues, schools, brands, etc. would risk bringing in the rainmaker no matter how he/she/they acts around others? Yes. Does it still exist today? In some circles yes. However, the mental and emotional baggage that person brings, the damage to the culture of an organization that person can do, is weighed much, much more now than ever before. Also, in times of crisis, having the person on board willing to do the little things to lead is really invaluable. Little things matter.
Now can we control what everyone thinks? Of course not. Should we sit up nights fretting about all the drama around us? That’s not good either. Do we make mistakes? Sure do. What is important is to always be thinking about the shows of those around us. That’s not easy and its not always a perfect scenario. But how we act and what we say towards others is key in making sure our “unwritten resume” marries up well with the written one we are so focused on.
So as you are polishing up that CV, make sure there is some shine out on the unwritten messages we send as well. In times of transition that investment is what gets you in the door, regardless of what’s on paper or online
