There is nothing more click worthy these days than a publicly played drama, especially when it involves celebrity, athlete, bold face names. The facts are secondary, the backstory is not a concern, the wreck and the name calling and the drama is what drives interest, for better or worse.
From the WNBA to Chapel Hill, London to Los Angeles, the human drama is what fandom feats on, consequences and collateral damage and human capital be damned.
It is with that in mind, and safely not being in the “decision room” for most of these latest dramas too complex to go into (and if you are an “expert” and not privy to the specific details always be careful in what you say because you don’t really know) that I heard a comment on NPR’s ‘Fresh Air’ this week, along with one from NBA Commissioner Adam Silver, that served as a reminder about the little things that need to be done…not just to head off issues, but to lower the temperature when things start to boil over in highly contentious issues. I will also add in a phrase which another great listener in highly volatile matters, NWSL Commissioner Jessica Berman, like to use…
“When emotion come in the door, cognition goes out the window.”
Personal feelings, conversations, and actions, sometimes get easily trampled when we make decisions.
Back to the NPR piece with Dopesick author Beth Macy and Dave Davies. It was a discussion about escaping poverty and the challenges far and wide that go on, and Macy talked about work with social workers…her point which jumped out at me came from one of those conversations, and it applies to most drama that plays out publicly…
“She said, you know, right at the start of the conversation, she says, well, honestly, it’s I have to teach them how to human. And I said, what do you mean? She said, they show up to class, they don’t have a pencil. You or I would’ve asked a friend for a pencil, to borrow a pencil. Instead, they kind of shrug and say to the teacher, I don’t have a pencil. You know, rather than, like, asking nicely. So it’s just basic things.“
How to be human.
Then you fast forward to Silver’s comments this week about the back and forth between the WNBA and the very public debate that has surfaced with Naphessa Collier and other players on the collective bargaining agreement.
“The WNBA is experiencing some growth pains. At the same time, Cathy Engelbert has presided over six years of some of the strongest growth we’ve not only seen in the WNBA but any sports league in history. But it’s become too personal and we’re going to have to work through those issues.”
It’s become too personal.
Maybe….and how?
Both of those statements actually reveal something much deeper that gets lost in highly emotional, and sometimes deeply financial decisions. We cannot remove the humanity from decisions. Furthermore, doing little things…note writing, saying please and thank you, what my colleague Q. Williams calls “beautiful listening” in a world where we like to shout and react and not build bridges because it’s easier to put up walls, is more valuable than ever,
Do more of humaning each other.
Now again, I am not in the room with any of these decisions and it’s not my place to judge how deals get done. Usually it’s with compromise in issues big and small, but it does start many times with little acts that dial back the emotion, bring people…humans…together to do a better job of listening…and working TOGETHER to solve very complex problems.
Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s almost impossible, but it starts by putting on another pair of shoes, being open to criticism and problem solving, and dialing things back so that what was an impasse is bridged.
It starts with listening, maybe the most important trait that we can easily lose.
It’s how teams in any area of life succeed, by taking the critique, understanding what buttons can and can’t be touched and rebuilding in a world where how we feel and what we say sometimetimes motivates us more than what we can actually do.
We just want to be heard.
Step one.
Work the problem as humans, we can get them solved.
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